Who to Be or Not to Be

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“A fireman, an astronaut, an artist, a brain surgeon, a café owner..”

We have all asked the question. We have all been asked the question. It’s innocent enough when we are little. How many of us went on to become what we thought we might be when we were kids?

Soon enough we were adults.
“What do you want to do?” our friends ask. Sometimes we don’t know, and we do what life brings us. Sometimes we tire of what we started with and want to do something else. There is nothing wrong with that.

But what if we changed the question and so changed the focus to: “Who do you want to be?”

Instead of only prioritizing the development of our activities and potential career, we’d shift our focus to the development of our character. And while what we do is important - to find activities and careers that fill our days in good ways and leave us gratified, everything can become routine and we lose interest after a while. We may abandon one thing and start over. We may yearn to learn new things as we get older and offer ourselves new possibilities.

But our character stays with us. Our character is that which others see when they interact with us. We build our character and shape it over time. The who we are informs the way we do what we do. It is a bit harder to change the character we have built than to change jobs, but who we have been is not necessarily who we have to be either. We can also change our character if we choose to.

We may see ourselves in a certain way, but others may see something else. And most of us don’t always know exactly what that person we project out looks like or sounds like.

Maybe you had an argument with your partner, spouse, a family member or best friend. Did you like how you responded? Maybe you held out for a while, holding your horses trying to not react. But as the situation kept developing, and the argument did not settle easily, you witnessed yourself losing yourself to a part of your character you don’t like about yourself.

We try to get better at our jobs and our personal interests, but how often do we work on our character?

Ask yourself how you want others to experience you and what you want from yourself. We can make a point of asking ourselves a character question every day, or with each interaction we have with someone else. Phrase the question in the present tense if you think of it at the time of the interaction or if the question is in general. Ask in past tense if after the fact.

For example:
Am I kind / was I kind
Am I helpful / was I helpful
Am I generous / was I generous
Am I giving / was I giving
Am I mindful / was I mindful
Am I true to myself / was I true to myself
Am I grateful / was I grateful
Am I open-minded / was I open-minded

Make or add your own to fit the character you want to be.

“How true Daddy’s words were when he said: all children must look after their own upbringing. Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.” – Anne Frank