Truth be Told

You fibbed a little. Now you feel bad. Lying never feels good. Some people say they never lie. For others, it’s a habit. Some are suckers for the truth.

Can we go through life never lying?

You are invited to dinner and you hate the meal. It is not only bland, but the texture makes you gag. You tell the host it is delicious. You are lying.

When is lying ok?

You are in the company of someone you don’t really like. That person suggests getting together soon again. You respond enthusiastically “yes.” You are lying. Are you lying more to the other person or yourself?

The dinner comment is just a white lie, of course. Black lies are the bad ones. Are there gray lies? Yellow lies?

The socializing agreement is a lie that serves to get out of the moment’s dilemma, but it will not end there. The person will ask again, and you will nag yourself about the untruth of your behavior with this person.

What if you did something you shouldn’t have done, and just don’t tell? Is withholding the truth lying? When is that ok?

What if you tell a dying person that he or she will be ok?
Can lying be good?

What if you pretend that something is ok when you know it is not? Is it best to make another feel better to think everything is ok when it is not, or to hear a painful truth?

Sometimes we want to be lied to. We want to be told what we want to hear. What happens when you lie to yourself? Do you start to believe what is not true as true?

The acceleration of untrue information, made-up news and lying leaders are a mark of our time, and we are now exquisitely challenged to sort out what is true from what is false, pretense for sincerity, and lies of all colors or gradations from an honest representation. Who can you trust?

The magician creates illusions we love to be deceived by and we lie to our kids about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. How do we know when lying is ok or even better than the truth?

Honesty is a virtue. And in some situations, dishonesty can be as well. We just don’t call it that. We call it compassion, grace, good social skills, ethical correctness or tact.

Immanuel Kant asked what you should do if someone running by with a weapon asks you if you have seen someone running away just minutes ago, and in what direction they were heading. Should you tell the truth?

Not telling the truth may be acceptable and kinder if:

- the truth is going to hurt someone
- it prevents or delays suffering
- when we need to get out of an uncomfortable situation
- when it is better for another to not know the truth
- to avoid a conflict
- to protect ourselves
- to save or protect another
- to keep our independence where others may try to cross a line
- to prevent physical harm

And while it would be better if we could all be honest all the time, life is too complicated for such a simple scenario.

"Lies that build are better than truths that destroy."
- Senegalese Proverb