Together

One of the biggest challenges for us human beings on our journey through humanhood is to learn how to be with another in intimate relationship and to do it well. How to find the balance between giving and receiving, how to communicate effectively while lovingly, equal division of attention and duties, how we spend our time together and apart, and sharing finances and agreeing on priorities are just a few of the many issues we have to tackle when we choose to live in relationship with another.

I was honored this spring to be asked to write the Foreword to a beautiful book called Compassionate Commitment: Growing Together Through Awareness, Empathy and Kindness written by my dear friend and fellow traveler in matters of personal development, James Farwell. Jim was a Family- and Marriage therapist for nearly 50 years, and approached his subject from mindfulness, compassion and empathy as the key pillars to both his practice and his own life long before these became buzzwords.

Jim came to me as his “mindfulness soul sister.” However, I am not a master of relationship myself with two marriages behind me and a few additional unions over time, as many of us of enough years of age.

But wait – do the broken, non-lasting unions make us non-masters? 

The mastery is achieved together, in union. If a union does not make it, we often walk away with self-judgment and/or judgment of the other, unable to figure out a common path. Some unions are not meant to be or better broken, some are so meant to be that problems are minuscule and rare. But most fall somewhere in the middle – two different individuals trying to find the right dose of equal compromise to take this dance together.

Jim’s book is a sweet reminder to all of us, whether in or out of relationship, that being with someone does not have to be difficult, and that being together can elevate the tiniest thing to a higher space and experience. It just takes a mutual interest in learning how the other dances and the shared commitment to figure out the steps along the way and as they change. Some dances lead to more. Others are short and sweet and perfect that way. Many leave scars and unnecessary feelings of inadequacies.

Had I not known Jim, and had I not been asked to be involved in his project, I am not likely to have picked up this book as the subject does not relate to me at the moment. However, I learned just how irrelevant that was. Wise words from a wise man on the things people struggle with amongst themselves relate to us far beyond whether we are currently involved or not. We are always involved with others.

We all know more than we think, and sometimes it just takes a respected voice whispering rational words.

As writers, we strive forever to say more with less. 
Compassionate Commitment is that kind of accomplishment: 
a small book carrying the potential of great impact on people's lives.

Link to the book on Amazon

In the end, we fail together and we win together.