Who is Happy?

It’s elusive. It comes and goes. Happiness in life - in the words of Forest Gump’s mom: “Life is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get.”

Maybe. Maybe not. You can pick what you want, after all. Or choose not to have it if you don’t like that one.

What does it mean to be happy? We feel good, inside out. Our outlook is bright. We smile and laugh more. There is a sense of peace.

But what are the criteria for happiness?

Does it have to do with genes, is it circumstantial, or is it how we look at life?

Being Danish qualifies me as partial to the prize Denmark has received for several years as “The Happiest County in the World,” by The World Happiness Report, a survey of the state of global happiness by United Nations Sustainable Development Solutions Network, of data collected from 150 countries since 2012. Denmark has won the title three of the four times the report has been issued.

But I don’t live in Denmark. Am I disqualified from being part of the happiest people then?

The criteria for the global happiness study are these primarily: social support, freedom to make life choices, trust, a healthy life expectancy, and cultural generosity.
In Denmark that translates into life-long free medical services, free education, a healthy and generous work/life balance, financial security, no corruption, little crime, and no need for envy.

In other words, these criteria come from the cultural and political circumstances, which allow the people in Denmark to live their lives freer from a variety of otherwise common worries, and with a much higher level of personal freedom than is known in many other countries.

According to psychology and psychiatry, our wellbeing and happiness largely depend on our inner landscape and our ability to control it or steer it in the right direction(s). It is about self-realization, an ability to recognize our own values, and satisfaction with our selves and our choices.

Is it outside or inside conditions that determine our level of happiness then?

Trends towards “positive psychology” challenge these professions’ approach of assuming that once you have removed the negative emotions, such as stress, depression, anxiety, fear, etc., it will leave happiness.

But wait – we can’t just become happy by telling ourselves we are. Or pretending we are something we are not. Some people always say they are happy. Others always look like they are happy. Are they, or are they pretending?

What of those who say “How can one be happy with all the awful stuff going on in the world?”

And what then of the fact that our wellbeing has less to do with our circumstances and thoughts than our feelings about our circumstances and thoughts?
Can I be happy if I feel I am drowning in a pile of soggy lettuce?

So while there may be elements of predisposition, chemical balances, variables in character, and cultural influencers involved in who is happier than others, all studies and “experts” in the field seem to agree that happiness is also a skill that can be developed and practiced by choice.

My head is swimming, and all I want is to be happy. How about you?
Here are my thoughts on simplifying the elusive, and what we can do for ourselves regardless of where we are:

· The first thing towards achieving some level of happiness is to make that choice, to choose to want it.

· Next to define for our selves what it means to us.
If it is better relationships, get all hands on deck to work in a positive manner towards that. If it is contentment in life and self-respect, start some self-scrutiny and find out where you are.

· Recognize that negative self-talk or negative story telling about ourselves, our circumstances, or others will not contribute to raising our feelings of happiness. That does not mean we have to be fake or dishonest to ourselves or others, nor does it mean we need to engage in positive attitudes beyond what feels right. We can make the choice of not being negative without having to rosy things up.

· Cultivate a sense of interest in others, and in what is going on around us.

· Keep an open mind without pre-judging. Give the person or the situation the benefit of the doubt first.

· Try to struggle less and try to trust that life does not have to be a lonely fight towards difficult goals, and so allow forces bigger than us to reach us through our intuition, chance meetings, and better thinking through peace of mind.
Ask yourself often “What is the worse thing that can happen? After that? After that?”

· Recognize that our state of mind is ours to create. We can literally change our view and perspective in a second, if we choose to. 

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Wayne Dyer