Wabi Sabi Thinking to Heal Our Relationships

The vase in the Japanese museum has a crack in it. In our western world, the vase is broken. If it is to be shown, it needs to be fixed first. It needs to be fixed so that the crack is not visible.
The languages of the broken vase under repair by an art restorer and that of the exposed broken Japanese vase speak loudly of our different cultural approaches to life.

In our western societies, we chase beauty and happiness in completeness, in perfection, and the pursuit of more and better.
In Japanese culture, the crack in the vase represents the very beauty we westerners are not tuned in to. It is not the vase that is on display, but the crack in the vase. Or rather, the imperfection of the vase illuminated by the light that is able to come through the crack.

There is grace in rust and dilapidation. There is dignity in aging and fading.

Wabi Sabi is an integral part of Japanese society, brought by a monk from China in the 12th century and originally connected to tea practices. It has its roots in Zen Buddhism, and branches of similar concepts have developed later from it. Kintsugi is the act of repairing broken things with gold: the broken parts are highlighted instead of repaired as invisibly as possible. Mono no aware is a more recent expression of the concept of Wabi Sabi, highlighting the inevitable passing of all things.

Imagine the Japanese concept of Wabi Sabi applied to our lives and daily living, such as our relationships with anyone. Wabi Sabi appreciates the flaws, the imperfections, and damaged parts as a form of beauty – not only in objects, but also in ourselves and other people. Wabi Sabi acknowledges and reveres the passage of time. It values our scars and vulnerabilities. It allows us to reconsider what is normally considered flaws and gain a broader, less limiting view of people and things.

Look at the people in your life with Wabi Sabi eyes. See their flaws from a new view and perspective. Wabi Sabi is a mindset that can be adapted by any of us, allowing us to be mindful and forgiving any day.

By sharpening our gaze towards what DOES work, we can find more meaning and beauty in the moments that come and go. More importantly, we may discover our partners, our parents, our kids, our colleagues, and our friends in a whole new way, without the things that irritate us about them, the ideas they have that bother us, the ways of doing things that frustrate us or our idea of what they should be or have that they don’t.
As an extension, we can learn to focus away from what does not work.

Where we put our focus increases its importance. If we focus on the frustration we will never see the perfection even in the imperfect.

Look for a new source of light for yourself, one that will penetrate the dense and clenched container of things and issues that have kept you less than pleased with yourself or others. Allow this light in with an unstoppable fervor and purpose.

“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
Leonard Cohen said it beautifully.

The light is able to burst through these cracks and explode into a new personal dawn. It takes darkness to call in the light, cracks in the darkness to reveal it, and darkness is always eliminated by light.

Go seek out cracks and flaws and unattractive stuff to find your own new light. You might re-discover your people or re-embrace yourself.