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    Jun 09, 2017


    “Forgiveness is the answer to the child’s dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again.”
     – Dag Hammerskjold

    Everyone makes mistakes once in a while, but most people are doing the best they can. Sooner or later each one of us will say or do something that is hurtful to someone else. Sometimes we are the one feeling hurt or victimized. There can be so many reasons we feel hurt, from the most banal, like whose turn it was to do the dishes, to outright evil acts.

    Mistakes can occur in many shapes, such as overstepping our boundaries, miscommunicating, being insensitive, making assumptions, thoughtless gestures, small or large oversights, difference of opinions, criticizing, condemning, not keeping our word, injustice, and many more.

    Forgiveness is the key to finding your freedom. Forgiveness is a decision, a decision to move on. And forgiveness can be learned. Forgiveness, however, takes courage.
    “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong,” said Gandhi.

    Forgiving someone does not validate what that person said or did. You are just acknowledging a misstep and letting it go. Allow yourself to see past it. We may think that if we forgive that person, it will make the problem seem like it was not a problem. Forgiving does not have to do with the other person. It’s about yourself. Lack of forgiveness erodes relationships. You are the prisoner if you can’t forgive.

    In Buddhism, forgiveness is essential for maintaining mental and emotional health. Not forgiving undermines our health as it can lead to depression, stress, lack of sleep, muscle tension, headaches and more, which can add up to more serious conditions. But when we are forgiving we feel compassionate and optimistic; there is hope in the world.

    When we feel hurt or wronged, we may slide into feelings of anger or resentfulness. We may want revenge. We may hold a grudge for a long time. Maybe we start to talk badly about the person we think has wronged us. We may think we are making the person at fault feel terrible about themselves, when in reality we are harming ourselves. If we are fixated on being right or are unwilling to move past a situation, we are enslaved by our own anger. Meanwhile the other is free, unaware of your inner demons being directed at them. We are allowing their words or actions to hold our heart hostage. 

    We all know the saying about the glass half empty versus the glass half full. But have you heard the version about the weight of the water?
    Imagine you are holding a half glass of water. How much does it weigh? That is irrelevant, but the time you hold the glass is not. If you hold it for a few minutes, nothing changes. If you hold it for an hour, your arm will start to ache. If you hold it all day, you will start to lose feeling in your arm, maybe even become semi-paralyzed. The weight of the glass is going to wear you down. The actual weight will not change, but the glass will feel heavier the longer you hold it, just like stress, resentment, unforgiveness and anxiety - it will hurt for a little while, but if you hold on to it, it will paralyze you too and make it impossible for you to make any changes.

    There is power in forgiveness.  An apology can expand your mind, allow you to love, set you free to live fully, learn about your own weaknesses, or make friends for life. Forgiving someone brings the power of presence.

    Try to forgive others for their missteps - for your own peace of mind and body.
    Try to forgive yourself – just try to do it better next time. 

    When you forgive you don’t change the past, but you sure change the future. 
    - Bernard Mettzer

     

     

     

     

     

     

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