Can We Really Walk in Someone Else's Shoes?

In recent times the events in the world have redefined the way we interact and experience the awareness of each other.  
So quickly, within a fraction of one generation, the people of Planet Earth went from barely knowing about others living in far away places, to being able to connect with anyone on the planet within seconds.

With this amazing development came – instead of an empowered worldwide mutual exploration and cooperation – a larger and wider gap between countries and peoples of different kinds.
Just as we thought big ugly wars were solutions of a less informed past, old wars continue without resolutions, and new conflicts loom over all of us with suggestions of outdated solutions to ideological differences at the hands of those in power.

We once knew more about peace and making civilized conversation. We once felt deeper for another who was hurt or struggled, known to us or not.

But times have changed. Now, empathy is in question. Do we have empathy for that person who suffered some serious life setbacks if that person is different or thinks differently than us?

Perhaps we need to look at the old saying: “Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.”
To what extent is this really possible?

Empathy is defined as “being capable of identifying and understanding another person’s feelings, without experiencing them for yourself at that particular moment.”

IS it possible to feel an emotional pain so deep if we have never experienced it for ourselves? Can we truly imagine what it is like to be black if we are white and vice versa, to be a woman if you are a man, gay or transgender if you are not, a Muslim if you are an Evangelist, etc.?

It is important to keep in mind that empathy is NOT pity, not kindness, not charity of feelings. To be empathetic means to try to feel what it is like to be that person we can’t necessarily relate to or agree with, someone who experiences life or messages or hardship differently than we do. 

Like so many other life skills, empathy is like a muscle that can be trained. There are many reasons it is to our advantage to try to develop empathy such as gaining a better understanding of others, having less conflict in our lives, building trust, getting better at reading others, broaden our moral universe, raise our social intelligence, the pleasure of treating others well and in return be treated with the same respect yourself, and much more. 

If you choose to increase your empathetic skills, keep the benefits in mind and practice one or more of these tricks:

    Take away the differences, prejudices, and judgments that make you not
    approve of the other and try to find similarities and commonalities
    instead.
Focus on the fact that all human beings want the same: peace, happiness, love, good relationships, a nice home, enough money to not struggle, etc. Try to see the other person’s dreams of a good life instead of what separates you.

    Listen with visible purpose.
Be willing to be vulnerable and share your own feelings. When you do, people open up and share pieces of their lives. You will be wiser, you will know more.
You will learn more about yourself too. 

    Talk less about yourself, ask more questions of the other.
Be curious. Soon new information will lead to new understanding, and you will quickly feel less isolated, more connected to others, more cultivated, and more compassionate. 

    Try to change perspective.
If we absolutely cannot comprehend how someone can see things the way they do, ask how they came to have the belief they have. Imagine yourself building from that perspective and all the way to where they are now. Go to someone else’s church or join a rally for the other side. Watch the TV programs where they get their news. Try to be them. Be open to hear and learn.

    Develop your emotion-imagination.  
Turn the sound off when you watch a movie and practice trying to understand what the characters feel based only on their non-verbal signs and communication. Read more fiction. Look at photos of people and imagine their stories, their feelings, their situations, and their struggles. Practice on people you meet in the street, on the bus, anywhere. Talk to them when possible.

With just a bit of effort, you can inspire others and affect social change in an environment of two. Or three. Imagine the possibilities.

This is not self-help, but becoming more interested in other people’s lives and reasons, a mutual large-scale we-help.